Personal / professional concerns

Here you find little insights to frequently asked questions. Maybe you find some related to yours. Feel free to contact me to speak your concern.

To answer this question we should at first be aware of what the word trust really means.

Trust is one of the basic components of a relationship. In most cases only those who are closer to you are in a better position to abuse your trust, this is applied to private or business relationships. Knowing this gives you a form of security.

It is Important to distinguish this from emotional conflicts.  Differentiate breach of trust from internal emotional conflicts. Sometimes we tend to mistake misunderstandings for a breach of trust, so be careful in declaring a breach of trust as in most cases this could just be human failures that could be corrected. When the willingness is there, trust can always be rebuilt.

We often struggle with some decisions for a long time. They keep us busy for days if not weeks. We are also aware that every decision has possible consequences, as well the uncertainty that comes with it. That’s why its good and absolutely normal to take as much time needed and go deep in yourself to think ten time about the pro and contra before making decisions

From my point of view, most people are just afraid of the so call consequences as they tend not to make out difference between “right” and “wrong” 

My advice is that you make an effort to understand and find out differences between what is right and what is wrong. Be ready to accept consequences when you make decisions.

First let’s be clear on what kind of truth we are talking about here and what could be destroyed? Please find out both.

Eg. 1) You woke up late for work, telling the truth to your boss would mean receiving an official warning that could lead to loosing your job. Here is most logical to find a mush suitable excuse like “My train was late”  

Eg. 2) Telling a child about the reality and truth about his / her family that might impact their life has more priorities than having the fear of them not talking with you after hearing the truth

First go deep inside yourself to find out how it was before. At what pointing time did you start to feel the threat? Did it result out of a dispute or you have noticed a long breach in dealing with each other within the relationship? A little break does not necessarily mean separation rather could help give the space needed for each other to see the situation better and to reflect by seeing the situation from other perspectives as many factors could be responsible for such situations. Therefore it should be treated as an individual Topic.

For the case you find yourself in such a situation and need some advice or neutral consultation then feel free to connect with me for a solution.

Like my mother used to say, a Relationship or Marriage should be seen as a never ending university, meaning the graduation could finally be achieved at our death point. As a developing process, you need to keep learning everyday of your relationship. Don’t be over convenience as love can fade out, and when out of sight or doubt occurs, try to trace back to the beginning of your relationship, to find out how it was like and how to regain that feeling. 

First try to recognize the problem or even find out is there really a problem? As in most cases we tend to address possible misunderstandings as problems. In other words, trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, that’s the reason why you should be very sure yourself that a problem has really occurred. From my point of view, most times misunderstandings or self-inflicted insecurities, which are not necessarily a problem but could be unnecessary conflict potentials. Sometimes by trying to solve a problem we only realize at the end this was just a misunderstanding rather than a Problem.

Since when has this feeling been with you? If this is a short-term situation as a result of arguments, then no need be alarmed, however if its lasting longer than you imagine,  then there might be a serious problem here. A conversation is highly needed here but it sounds easier than it is. Often one hears “It’s not on you” but in reality it’s maybe time to first look and ask questions to yourself as certain situations can often trigger this. Let take example! A woman after pregnancy, because the hormones and a new situation arises in your everyday life and with your own body or a change in your own inner attitude, it could also be a taboo subject that your partner finds difficult to address. First be sure whether it could be your fault or not, or whether you can change or improve something in the situation yourself. On the other hand it could be the case also that your partner is currently dealing with a situation that he/she is trying to process and there for distancing him / herself from you. If you have this feeling then give him/her the time needed without rushing. It could also be that sometimes you are unconsciously too brash. Concentrate on yourself, your partner will most likely come up to you when he / she needs you and is ready to do so.

What is it about? Is it something serious or just a “Triviality”? Something does take a long time to be forgiven. Everyone knows the saying “Time heals Wounds” but the question is: how does forgiveness works? When are you ready for it? To forgive means two ways: to forgive someone you need to continue with or forgiving someone who will be out of reach for you.

  1. It’s about a family member, spouse or close circle of friends.
  2. A stranger who directly or through a situation coursed you e,g. a serious incident on which you have no intervention.

Forgiveness is important in every way, because it sets you free. It is an act of self liberation and a process of healing as well. Therefore accept first to heal and liberate yourself and soul. This is the best prerequisite for this, because then you will be able to take the first steps of forgiveness and as well do yourself a favour.

Everyone knows differences of opinion too well, but who decides which opinion is right?

If you want to stop a situation from escalating, this is smart of you! Then try to give in to get the situation at first under control, according to the motto: the smarter give in.

As mentioned above, it doesn’t automatically mean you were wrong. Here it is important to bring calm to the situation in order to restore a neutral basis. Of course, there are different disputes that have different dimensions or even serious backgrounds. However, if it is a “Normal” relationship argument, where nothing is to be lost, then it is advantageous to act as described above.

Making rational decisions can mean blocking out emotions completely. The situation is particularly important here. This can be an advantage if it is worthwhile and you are sure, for example, if it affects your own life. You work in a company, earn a good salary, but the working atmosphere is very stressful for you. Do you decide to retain the well earned money or do you change the job in order to be happier and more satisfied in your daily working world elsewhere? If you make a rational decision here, you decide to change the job. This can be transferred to a wild variety of areas. You should separate rational decisions from emotional decisions. Women in particular often tend to mix this up.

By nature it is easier to blame others than to touch your own nose first, as it is more convenient to search the fault in others first. In general we want to find someone to be blamed for our situations. If we are not honest with ourselves, we will not discover the truth either. Often we are blinded and fail to see reality. If you’re the kind of person who feels this way a lot, start asking yourself the questions of what you’re doing wrong.

Violence is a very special and sensitive topic. Everyone knows that it is a bad quality, to say the least. Often it results from anger or uncontrollable emotions. Were there specific situations or triggers that triggered this violence?  It could also be that everything was fine at the beginning of the relationship and the violence suddenly enters a relationship. Every relationship has a beginning point.  Suddenly there comes a point where that experience can come into a relationship. Does it have internal or external triggers? First and foremost, it is important to identify changes in an ongoing relationship. Talking about such situations is very important to sort things out, Therefore, I advise you to consult someone about this in order to change and filter this situation. Possibly you can contact me not-binding and anonymously.

Often we tend to lose sight of the problem. If the child differentiates itself from you as a person, the timing here is important to note. Has there been a change? Has something changed in the child’s life, family, environment or has there been a change in your own life? As matter of fact, many parents struggle with this problem, especially during puberty. Children grow and puberty brings along many changes. The body changes, the way of life begins to be different and many things are no longer what they used to be. If there was a good basis between you and your child, which no longer exists in this form, it is important to find out: maybe time to find new ways has occurred. Often we are blinded and realize when it is too late. This distance can also have different origins, therefore it is situation-related and can not be answered paschal, as it depends on individual circumstances. Do you want to know more or are you directly affected by this topic. Please do contact me with out obligations to find a better solution here.

Put you in the shoes of a manager, what kind of task does it have?  You will find out that it has many tasks and different departments to manage everyday. We often find ourselves in situations in which we are not prepared, unpredictable, spontaneous and unplanned. Create departments in which you act. Sort your life and assign each one specific time and tasks. Good time management can help you here a lot. So you are ready for all the areas that you already have or will come to you in the future. 

Eg. You have a normal job and work in a company, and wish yourself an improvement in your job to be promoted to the position of the head of department.  You have to be aware that you might need to invest more time in this position.  Meaning you can no longer throw in the towel at 4:00 pm to make your way home to your family on time because something urgent has come up or you are now responsible for other employees whom you have to stand by everyday. When you are aware of this, you can start this step into the new position. But if you are not, you might find it difficult to deal with it everyday. However, this is just an example.  But since this question has to do with individual situations, I will encourage you to have a personal conversation with me about this, in which we both can then specifically address your concern.

Try to remember your childhood hays as this feeling doesn’t just come overnight. There are many different types of families: Working class families, separated parents, health problems, large families or often financial problems. Children often have wish lists that cannot be fulfilled. Even if it’s just a little more time or attention, doing the right thing is often a major challenge for parents. It is often difficult to find the middle, depending on the circumstances. It could also be, what you often don’t want to hear, that the problem could also be with you. At least partial.

Never lose sight of your goals. First and foremost, you’re in school to learn and graduate as a station on your life path. Focus on this. Find the connection to your goal. Other things should be of secondary importance to you. People are different and you are an individual person. There is a saying “Every pot has a suitable lid”. To make the connection, you have to believe in yourself and know your strengths. Only when you believe yourself will other classmates recognize who you are and that you are a valuable person in your own way and approach you also in their own ways. Don’t run after this connection; accept also that not all people like you as this is normal. Find the right people who suit you and be satisfied with yourself. 

It’s important that you find joy in yourself as well as your job. Or did you accept it only for financial reasons? If you love your job and enjoy doing it then avoid thinking about it. As in many order professions, there are certain requirements for advancement. If you have fulfilled these requirements and still feel oppressed so that the ascent is blocked, then find out which persons are involved. In some cases relationships with supervisors/managers may play a role. Here it is important that the relationship between employees and their supervisors/managers is on a healthy basis. As employees, we often have many expectations. However, the harmony must be right. When this is not the case, a conversation between the two parties can help whereby to describe your situation without confrontations.

Mutual respect in a family is very important, likewise the acceptance of their different individual characters and ways of life. Often these differ greatly internally. Why are you searching for this restart? Do you need something from this person? Then give the person the space he/she needs and try to show them first and foremost that you respect and accept them. So you will be able to find a middle ground.

First be clear what is essential for you! “It is the goal” without a Goal, there is no point in working on something. Often we tend to deal with insignificant issues or often attach importance to the insignificant things and lose sight. You may not have set a goal to focus on yet, which is why it is important: “Never lose sight of the GOAL. 

Eg. 1) A married couple is getting divorced. Often personal differences are dealt with instead of the question; how can we plan and implement their children together in the future.

Eg. 2) You work in a large company. If you focus more on the assumed bad character of your bosses, than on a promotion in that company, you also lose sight. 

Eg. 3) You go to school. The most important goal is to get your degree. If you are distracted everyday with the fact that food is not very good or which classmate is bringing something amusing stories again today, then you will quickly lose sight of it.

Today we are in a society with many working-class people. My advice is that partners should try to make effective and meaningful use of every moment they might have together. As the saying goes “Less is more”. Find the opportunity, even if it’s an hour in the evening, to spend little time or share a nice glass of wine out of your cupboard and chat. This can be more valuable than engaging into fights for 20 hours or just lying next to each other on the couch ignoring each other.

Communication is very important in any relationship. If you are sure there is a problem, you need to be able to communicate it. Everyone wants a point of contact and this mostly from their spouse / partner. It’s important to avoid direct confrontations when opening a communication as direct frontal confrontations always have a negative effect. By and large, it’s about communicating and sharing information sometimes vital for your relationship. Did you have a busy day and wish to get home leaving it behind, as this will make you feel better afterwards. Maybe you are looking for an audience that you can hear and your partner is not open for this? However, it’s never a must that your partner should be available for everything at all times. It is understandable that you often want your partner to be your best friend, but external circumstances may explain why this here is not the case. Or is there a real problem, maybe even has to do with your partner. Think: is he often on the spot or available for you when needed for serious / emergencies situations? Then don’t worry. Here it is probably due to the communication and how you address things.

Here, the individual taste makes a difference. What am I looking for? Is the appearance important to me or is it the character? In both cases one can be mistaken. So you should have a good instinct when choosing a partner. It’s often like the lottery: you meet the right person or in the end everything is not as good as it was presented at the beginning. Therefore better you rely on your instinct. Also note that this is not about a finished product. My mother told me once: The best partner is what you make of a person. In a positive way,  of course. So don’t expect a complete package that stands in front of you.

The most important argument is to find inner satisfaction. This is your strongest power. Because if you are not satisfied with yourself, you can not use strength and energy for other things. 

Bad jokes should be ignored. Easier said than done, but don’t learn to attach as much meaning to words. Everyone is expected to touch first their own nose as no one is perfect. If we put all the bad things we can think of about others on the table, there would be no end. The second is: why are you being targeted? Is there something you can change in yourself and also willing to change at the same time? eg. your character, your attitude or your behaviour. 

If this is not the case, then learn to just ignore those people and move on. Find peace in yourself and be happy with yourself.  Ignoring is the best, as some people will lose interest by seeing that their actions towards you are unsuccessful.

They say: „the eyes can deceive“fits very well here. Although the first impression they say is formative for the future as well the first meeting, the first few seconds of exchanging to know each other. However eyes in particular can be deceiving. If you assumed a bad first impression, this can affect you in the future. No matter if negative or positive. Why the first impression is difficult to leave us depends on our natural behaviour. However you can decide for yourself which priority you want to assign to this first meeting today. Do you want to see the first pictures or the new ones, possibly changed for the better? Be aware, when you fade out the first pictures to look ahead, especially when it can be beneficial when the situation has changed from negative to positive.

First and foremost, try to approach the person with human respect, and be sure that the new path is better for him/her. First ask yourself: How do you even know it’s the right way? First try to address it in a factual manner, without confronting it directly. Also explain why you think this path is better and try to make arguments that support your opinion. For example: parents often try to put their children on the right track, but at same time they are expected to serve as role models to demand this. If this is not the case here, then one can equally bring up one’s own mistakes in order to prevent them from occurring. 

Often there is charm or pressure from home to do the best at school. You won’t get around telling your parents about it, any way everything comes out at latest on parent’s day. Therefore speak to your parents about it even if it’s difficult. At the same time, you can ask them for support if you need it. Show your willingness to improve and open yourself up. Also learn to accept help. This is not objectionable. Prepare yourself for some bad reactions too, if you open up honestly anyway, it can only get better.